


Into The Empty

by the_burning_bookshop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Boys In Love, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Coda, Death, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester (Mentioned) - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Heaven, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Melancholy, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Post Episode: s15e11 The Gamblers, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_burning_bookshop/pseuds/the_burning_bookshop
Summary: Taking place directly after S15E11: The Gamblers.After a few unexpected confessions, Dean and Cas come up with a plan to save Cas from his deal with The Shadow; the entity in charge of The Empty.Please read the tags before reading!!
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 99





	1. Into The Empty

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This is my first fanfic for this fandom. However, I have been a huge fan of Supernatural for 12 years and have been obsessed with Cas and Dean’s relationship ever since! this season has made me feel so many things and so many theories have gone through my head, I decided to write this one down!!
> 
> I absolutely LOVE comments, so please leave your thought below! (:

The boys are all sitting around the map table taking in everything Jack just told them. _Kill Chuck? Kill God?_

“Wait, Jack, we can’t kill Chuck,” Sam tries to explain. “Amara already almost killed him… without God there isn’t cosmic balance or whatever.”

“Yeah, and the sun almost friggin’ disappeared!” Dean chimes in, wide-eyed.

Jack stared at the beer in his hand with his eyebrows raised as he thought about how to respond. “Well, I--”

Cas cut Jack off before he could explain. “I’m sure we can trust whatever Billie has prepared. She would not go through all this effort to bring Jack back without a reasonable plan. For now, we should just enjoy all being together again.” The corner of his lip curled up and he raised his beer. “To having Jack back!”

Their bottles clinked together above the map table before they took a celebratory sip. The brothers decided to fill the other two in on their little trip to Alaska, but had to back-peddle because Jack just _had_ to hear more about their days in normality. They all laughed as Sam told them about Bess’s cold remedy that was so spicy it had him falling to the floor in tears. Then Dean butted in, explaining how he found out he was lactose intolerant after throwing up in one of the nastiest toilets he’d ever seen because he ate seven grilled cheeses. More laughter filled the room as the stories grew from recent events to family memories.

Damn did it feel good to all be together again.

Eventually the laughter quieted down and the silence between stories grew. Sam decided to turn in for the night, exhausted from the week they endured and Jack followed shortly after. Dean and Cas sat at the map table in comfortable silence for a few moments before Dean slid another beer Cas’s way.

“I just can’t believe it, man. Sammy and I got our luck back, Jack is here, and it seems like we actually have a shot at getting through this Chuck mess,” Dean marveled before sipping his beer. “Should we have a glass of whiskey to celebrate? I have a bottle of the good stuff in the kitchen.” He smirked at the angel across from him and wiggled his eyebrows.

Cas didn’t respond, he just smiled back and got up to follow Dean to the kitchen. When he turned to walk through the doorway Dean already had the whiskey bottle in his hand and was reaching to get two glasses with the other. Cas stood in the doorway for a moment, eyeing the hunter in front of him as his thoughts wandered. Just a few weeks ago he had felt like all hope was gone. Jack was dead, Chuck; hell-bent on destroying the universe, and he didn’t even have Dean anymore. But now a feeling of complete and utter gratitude washed over him. The pieces were finally coming back together.

“Hey, you okay?” Dean’s voice pulled Cas from his thoughts. Cas looked down at the glass held out to him, then reached out to take it from the hunter, his soft fingers barely brushing over Dean’s rough ones. Dean leaned against the doorframe casually and put his hand in his pocket.

“Yes, apologies. I was just thinking about everything...” the angel replied vaguely, then took a drink.

Dean gazed at Cas as he took a drink, contemplating whether or not he should pry on what was going through the angel’s mind. He opened his mouth, then closed it quickly, deciding not to ask. “Ya know, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, too.” He decides to say, then takes a very big drink of his whiskey, almost downing the entire glass. A little liquid courage will help turn his thoughts into words… into actions. _Well, hopefully it will._ He looks at Cas, smiling at the curious (adorable) expression on the angel’s face.

“So much has happened in the last few months… Things went from bad to worse to friggin’ miserable, but now they’re finally starting to look up. It’s so easy to take things for granted,” Dean shoots Cas a pointed look before continuing, “to take _people_ for granted.” The sapphire eyes that gaze back at him ignite a spark of bravery in him and he shifts his weight against the doorframe so he’s leaning closer to the angel. “I haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk to you since Purgatory, and I feel like there’s still something I should--”

“Dean, I told you; I heard your prayer,” Cas cuts Dean off before he can say anything too emotional. “I know that you feel uncomfortable talking about your feelings and your prayer was enough for me. I appreciate your forgiveness and more than accept your apology.”

The hunter stays silent, debating if he should take the out the angel is giving him. He could easily just say ‘okay, cool, guess we’re all good then.’ But he can’t do that this time and he knows it. This might be his last chance, and he’s done with waiting for the _right time._ “You’re right, I suck at chick-flick moments, but there are things I still gotta say and things I still wanna do.” He grabs Cas’s whiskey glass from his hands and moves towards the table to set both glasses down. “We’ve been through so much togeth--”

“Really, Dean, it’s not necessary,” Castiel cuts him off _again_ as he subconsciously takes a step to follow Dean. He isn’t sure why Dean is being so insistent, but he’s nervous for whatever he’s about to hear. He’ll most likely hear something about what a great _friend_ Cas is, how he’s like a _brother_ to Dean, which will just disappoint Cas. He’s heard it enough times that he’s accepted Dean will never be able to get past his heteronormativity and think of Cas as anything more than his _best friend_. But it still breaks his heart little by little every time he hears his feelings aren’t returned.

On the (very) slim chance that Dean does make some sort of gesture of love, Cas would be overjoyed. So overjoyed, in fact, that every single part of his being would be filled with happiness… which sounds great and all, minus the fact that he made a deal with the being that controls The Empty. The Shadow was very specific with the deal. The second Cas feels really, truly happy; he’ll be sucked into the void.

The hunter lets out an exasperated sigh before turning to face the angel and takes two long strides in his direction. “Will you stop, interrupting me, Cas? I’m trying to say something here.” Dean stared at the angel with pleading, forest green eyes; his expression so vulnerable it took Cas’s breath away.

“Please Dean, let’s just move on from--” Cas started to beg, but was cut off by soft lips against his own. Cas froze, momentarily in shock, before closing his eyes and letting his lips go pliant against the hunter’s. Dean’s calloused hands were on either side of Cas’s face, holding him in place as their lips moved hesitantly together.

The kiss was chaste, but Dean made sure to fill it with all the love and passion that had been building up over the last decade. He pulled away slightly, breaking the kiss to look at Cas. The angel’s eyes fluttered open and met Dean’s immediately, gazing back with nothing but adortion. “Cas…” Dean gasped, his spiced whiskey breath blowing against Cas’s parted lips and sent chills down his spine.

“Dean,” Cas whispered, unmoving in the hunter’s hold on his cheeks. Dean slowly moved his hands, one moving the back of Cas’s neck and the other hesitantly across the angel’s chest, down his side, and finally resting on his hip. The hunter gazed at Cas with hooded, lust filled eyes before slowly leaning in for another kiss.

Cas gasped then quickly stepped back and out of the hunter’s firm grip. “I cannot do this,” he muttered before turning and walking through the kitchen doorway. He had to get the hell out of there before anything else happened. His chest was heavy and his heart pounded against it, begging for him to go back to his hunter. But he just couldn’t. They had finally gotten Jack back. They finally had a chance against Chuck. He _couldn’t_ let himself be sucked into The Empty and taken away from his family; _not yet_.

“No, Cas, wait,” Dean called after him. Cas could hear the hunter’s heavy steps following him.

“Dean, I must go. I... I cannot stay here with you,” his heart ached as the words left his lips. He didn’t dare turn around and say it to Dean’s face and see the pain he was causing. He continued down the hallway until he was by the stairs that lead out of the bunker. But a strong hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

“Cas, wait… I can’t— I’ve already—“ Dean isn’t sure what to say, but he knows he has to say something before the angel walks away and out of his life for good this time.

“What is it, Dean?” Castiel’s voice is monotonal as he stares at the floor beneath his feet.

Dean takes a deep breath before deciding to take the plunge. He’s been afraid to admit his feelings, even to himself, for years. Almost a fucking decade. But he’s already started this, no backing out now. It’s time to fight for this before he loses his angel forever.

He takes a hesitant step towards Castiel and reaches out, his hand gently resting on the wrinkled sleeve of that all-too-familiar trench coat. “You said I should’ve stopped you, last time you left… Cas, please give me a chance to stop you from leaving this time,” he pleads, his words coming out in a desperate whisper.

“Okay, Dean,” Cas says to the floor, refusing to look at him.

That is until he hears Dean take in another breath, this time it’s shaky and uneven. The unsteady breath pulls Castiel’s angelic blue gaze away from the floor and up to the hunter’s face. His heart immediately breaks at the sight in front of him.

Dean’s brows are furrowed and there are tears glistening in his eyes, daring to spill over the edge.

“I can’t lose you again, Cas. I just got you back. Over and over and over again, I’ve lost you. I lost you when the Leviathan left your vessel and I thought you exploded into nothing… and in Purgatory, thinking I left you there for dead. I lost you to Naomi and her freaky mind-control shit. I literally saw your grace burn out of you and your wings scorch the ground when Lucifer shoved an angel blade through your chest,” he tries to take in a breath, but it’s almost impossible to breathe past the sob stuck in his throat. His cheeks are wet with tears, so much pent-up sadness and pain finally escaping him. “Please, Cas. Don’t go. We can figure this out, like we always do.”

Cas stays quiet for a moment, trying to regain his strength. Trying to find every ounce of strength inside himself to resist the urge to pull Dean close and kiss away the tears from his face. “Dean, you don’t understand. I don’t want to do this….” Castiel let’s out a frustrated huff, he didn’t realize it’d be this hard to tell Dean what he had done. “I made a deal with the Shadow to save Jack, Dean. I had to. He’s family. I had to do anything I could to save him.”

Dean stands frozen in front of Cas for a moment, going over everything he just heard in his head. “A deal? To save Jack? But he said that Billie sent him back…”

“No Dean, I mean… remember when Jack died and Lily came to perform the spell to bring him back? I had to go to Heaven to get him and bring his soul back to his body.”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember. But that was the spell, there was no deal--”

“When I was in Heaven, The Shadow, the entity that runs The Empty, was there. He felt like he had claim over Jack’s soul and that he belonged in The Empty… I had to… Dean, I had to make a deal. Me for Jack.”

Dean’s brows furrow again as he gives Cas a perplexed look. “But… you’re still here, Cas. How…”

“The Shadow didn’t want me then. The deal was that it’d take me when I was truly happy. When I _felt_ truly happy… With Jack back now and the chance we now have against Chuck… there would only be one other thing that could make me _truly and completely happy_ , Dean…” Cas looks into Dean’s eyes then, hoping they speak for him so he doesn’t have to say it aloud.

He can almost see the gears turning in Dean’s head, but finally a look of understanding falls on the hunter’s face and he immediately takes a step back. “Cas…” he breathes.

Dean wants to get angry. Wants to be pissed at Cas for pulling more stupid shit, but… He can’t. He meant what he told him in purgatory about his anger… and being angry wasn’t going to make this situation any better.

“Please, Dean, you must understand… It was the only way to save Jack. I had to save him; he’s our--” He stops himself before he can say the wrong thing. “-- _My_ son.”

“I do, I understand… I’m not mad,” Dean responds softly. “As much as I want to scream and shout at you for this, I can’t. I understand why you did what you did, Cas, and I would have done the same thing in a heartbeat.” Dean brings his hands to his face, as if he’s trying to rub the disappointed expression away. “Cas, what do we do? How do we fix this?”

“There isn’t a way to fix this, there’s nothing we can do. We have too much going on. We can barely deal with one cosmic entity let alone two, Dean.”

“No… no, there has to be a way. You can’t just leave. We have to stick together, especially in times like this.” Dean motions to step closer to the angel, but Cas takes a step backward as he does so they remain a safe distance apart.

“Dean, do you have any idea how this is for me? How long I have wanted this?” Cas gestured to the small space between the two of them. “From the moment I saw your soul in hell, I was changed, Dean. The very essence of your soul changed me in ways I could never have imagined. The pain, the fear, the selflessness, the courage, the hopefulness, the happiness… _the love_. Your entire being flicked a switch in me, Dean. Ever since the moment I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition, I have been yours. Since then, everything that you and I have been through has only made my bond with you grow stronger. All these years together, my love for you has grown along with my hope that you could someday want more from me…For awhile there I thought I actually had a chance.”

Cas let out a melancholy chuckle before looking into Dean’s olive green eyes. The hunter’s heart skipped a beat. Cas stared at him for a moment through tear-filled eyes and an affectionate smile on his soft lips. There was so much adoration in the angel’s expression it sent Dean’s stomach into knots and tears began to well up in his eyes.

“...Then something changed. I don’t know when it happened, but I started losing your trust. Little by little. Piece by piece. Your anger towards me grew and grew… I didn’t know how to stop it. I felt like poison to you. Every step I took just made you hate me more. After Rowena died and I had to kill Belphegor, I knew it was over. I knew that no matter what reasoning I gave you, that I lost you. I was _dead_ to you. All the trust you had in me crumbled away. So I left… The way you looked at me, the things you said to me… it broke my heart. I couldn’t take the pain, Dean. I had to leave.”

Dean reached out to Cas, desperate to wipe away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks and pull his angel close to his chest. But Cas moved his body to the side and out of Dean’s reach. “Cas, please… I didn’t mean--”

“But then you prayed to me in Purgatory,” Cas continued his speech without even acknowledging Dean’s words. “It reignited that spark in me, Dean. You forgave me for the mistakes I’ve made and you apologized for your own. You reminded me what it meant to be part of a family. Yes, I was… _am_ in love with you, Dean, but that’s not what matters the most. I don’t care what kind of relationship we have, as long as we have one. After your prayer I was ready and willing to be nothing more than friends, if that's what you wanted. I just wanted to be in your life. I never expected more. I knew I’d never be truly and completely happy that way, but that just meant I could stay here longer with you. The Shadow would never come after me.”

Cas pauses, giving Dean a chance to catch up. He watches as Dean keeps his eyes fixed on the map table next to them. Dean slowly starts to shake his head absentmindedly and his eyes shut tightly, causing an angry wrinkle between his eyebrows. “But now I’ve just gone and kissed you,” he says, so quiet Cas is glad he has his angelic mojo to help him hear.

“That you have,” Cas responds with a sad smile on his lips. “I never thought it’d happen. I’ve wanted it for so long. I should be nothing but thrilled right now. I should be spending my seconds kissing you, not using every last bit of my strength to stay away from you. But I know I _can’t allow myself to be happy_. I know the right thing to do right now would be to leave, to at least deal with Chuck before allowing myself to feel that level of happiness. I’m devastated, Dean. I had accepted that’d I’d never get to be with you, but now… I have to push away the one and only thing left in the universe that’d make me truly happy. I can’t let The Shadow take me to The Empty until I _know_ that Jack, Sam, and You are okay and safe from Chuck. That’s why I can’t stay, Dean. That‘s why I can’t allow myself to have this with you.”

Cas starts to turn, ready to walk up the stairs and out of the bunker forever. But Dean grabs his sleeve before he can move.

“Cas, what if the Shadow came to take you, but you weren’t an angel anymore?”

“What do you mean, Dean? Of course I’m an angel.”

“No, no, I know, but…. bare with me here. What would happen if it came to take you to the Empty and you didn’t have your grace or any of your angel-mojo?”

Castiel didn’t reply, the gears in his head turning before a look of understanding finally crossed his face. “If I wasn’t an angel…. if I didn’t have my grace…..” suddenly his eyes were wide as he locked them with Dean’s.

“You’d be human. It couldn’t take you, right? At least, not to the Empty or angel heaven or whatever the hell it is, right?”

“If I were human and I died, I suppose I would go to heaven. Or hell. Wherever my human soul would deserve to reside for eternity.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, Cas, but… hold on,” Dean disappears down the hallway in a rush, but is only gone for a minute before returning with a clear glass vial with a cork on top. “Cas, if you give up your grace, you become human, right? Just like when Metatron ripped it from you for the spell that made the angels fall. You became human… would the same thing still happen if you willingly gave up your grace?”

“No angel has done it before that I have heard of, but… I assume it’d have the same effect.” Cas says, trying to hide the sound of hope from his voice.

“If you don’t have your grace but The Empty still comes for you, at least we could see eachother again, Cas. In Heaven. We could be together in Heaven after...” Dean doesn’t say the last part. He just hopes Castiel understands. He desperately wishes that becoming human, giving up his angelic grace to become human, is worth it if it means having some sort of messed up promise of seeing each other once again. He stares into Cas’s eyes, hoping…

“Yes, Dean. There would still be a possibility of seeing each other again. However, if I give up my grace and am no longer an angel, I will be of no use in this fight against Chuck,” Cas states, his eyes sullen.

“Cas, buddy, I’d rather have you: angel or not. Having your mojo doesn’t matter, what matters is you being here with us, _with me_ ,” Dean gives him a gentle smile and sets his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Now, I know this is a long shot and might not work… do you even know how to give up all of your grace?”

“Well, I assume it’s done similarly to how Metatron did it, only I have to be the one the rip my grace apart from the rest of my being,” Cas says calmly.

“‘Rip it from your being?’ Cas that sounds…” Dean scratches the back of his neck again awkwardly. “Well pretty damn painful, are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Yes, I imagine that it won’t be pleasant. But,” Cas pauses and gives Dean a hopeful look. “This is worth the risk, Dean.”

Dean gives Cas a nod, then grabs the vial and the angels hand and pulls them towards the kitchen, grabbing a first aid kit on the way.

“Okay, is there anything specific we need to extract your grace? Is there some kind of spell? What ingredients do we need?” Dean is opening the cupboards and pulling out a large ceramic mortar and a wooden pestle, preparing to mash together whatever they’ll need for the spell.

Cas walks towards him and grabs his wrist to slow him. “Dean, stop, look at me.” He says sternly and Dean looks him in the eyes obediently. “We do not need anything. You’ll have to cut my throat slightly, then I’ll speak the words ‘I Castiel, angel of the lord, surrender my grace,’ in Enochian.” With his hand still holding Dean’s wrist firmly, he pulls him towards the counter where the vial is sitting. He picks it up and puts it in Dean’s hand, then looks him in the eye. “You’ll have to hold this up to the wound and my grace will flow into it. As soon as it is in you’ll have to put the cork on it. After that… it’ll be done. I should be human.”

Dean stares at the vial and nods slowly, preparing himself. He pulls out his knife and looks at Cas, who only nods at him and takes a step closer. The hunter holds his knife up against Cas’s neck, about to make the cut, but then pulls away and turns around, throwing his arms down at his sides. “I don’t know if I can do this, Cas. What if it doesn’t work? What if I lose you?”

Cas steps towards Dean and grabs his shoulders to spin him around until they’re face to face. Their eyes lock, sharing each other’s fear and worry, before Cas raises his hands to cup Dean’s face. The hunter sighs and closes his eyes at the loving gesture and Cas takes another step closer to press his forehead against Dean’s. “Whatever happens, at least we tried. This is worth the risk, Dean.”

Dean nods again, his eyes still shut as he enjoys the feeling of Cas’s hands on his neck and his thumb caressing his cheek. After a moment, he sighs again and opens his eyes. “Okay, are you ready, Cas? Are you sure you want to do this?” Dean asks, his knife in hand and a first aid kit on the table.

“I'm sure, Dean… I’m ready.” Cas says as he tilts his head slightly to expose his neck.

Dean swallows thickly before lifting his knife to make a small cut on Cas’s neck, then he hears Castiel mumble the Enochian phrase. It takes a moment and Dean is worried it didn’t work, but suddenly a blue glow slowly begins to pour from the small incision on Cas’s neck. His grace fills the vial all the way to the top and, as soon as the light fades from the opening on Cas’s neck, Dean puts the cork on the vial and quickly cups his hand on Cas’s wound with a cotton pad from the first aid kit.

Dean wraps his other hand around the back of Cas’s head, tilting his face towards Deanto lock eyes with his angel. His eyes are half lidded, as if he’s drowsy, and Dean realizes Cas didn’t make a single sound during the grace extraction. “Cas, how you feeling, buddy?” He asks warily. Dean suddenly realizes how wobbly Cas’s head is, his hand the only thing keeping his head from dropping back. “Cas, talk to me.” His voice quickly going from hesitant to worried.

“M’fine, Dean, just—“ his legs give out before he can finish and he slumps into Dean’s arms. Dean easily holds him up, his strong frame keeping either of them from crashing to the ground.

“Cas? Cas?!” He is full on, honest to god, freaking out now. What did he just do? It was his idea to take Cas’s grace… he was supposed to become human not completely give out right in front of him for the love of—-

“Dean, I’m okay, I’m just…. can we please sit or lie down. I can’t stand for another second,” Cas’s words are slurred and barely a whisper.

“‘Course, Cas. Of course.” He doesn’t dare step away from Cas, worries he will fall forward without Dean’s frame holding him up. Without a second thought, Dean drops one of his arms and leans sideways against Cas, quickly tucking his arm under Cas’s knees and lifting him as if he weighs nothing. Adrenaline pumps through him as he carries the weak man down the hall effortlessly.

Cas is too weak to argue, much less notice that Dean is carrying him bridal-style and, honestly, Dean doesn’t seem to notice or care much either. The only thing running through his mind right now is Cas. He _needs_ to be okay. Dean did this to him, it was his idea. He needs Cas to be okay. He quickly carries Cas out of the kitchen and down the hall. The door to the closest bedroom is, luckily, already open and Dean hastily walks through and goes to lay Cas on the bed. “Okay, Cas, how are you feeling? What’s going on? Do we need to put your grace back? Can we put your grace—“ his worried questions are cut off by Cas’s finger to his lips.

“Dean, please just give me a moment. I promise I am fine I just need to….adjust,” Castiel softly assures Dean. His eyes closed and his breathing heavy. Dean kneels in front of Cas on the side of the bed, staring at Cas and just… waiting.

A few minutes pass and they still remain in silence, apart from their heavy breathing.

Three minutes turn into ten, which turn into twenty, until...

Finally, _finally_ , after what seems like forever, Cas’s breathing begins to even put and he slowly lifts his head up to meet Dean’s eyes. “I think...I think it worked, Dean. I think I’m…. I’m human.”

Deans breath catches in his throat. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. My body needed to adjust… willingly giving up my grace is… well is ‘Kind of a big deal’, as you would put it.”

“So.. you’re okay… you’re human now?”

“Yes, I believe I am.” He says, a smile beginning to tickle the corners of his mouth.

Dean can feel his lips curving into a grin too. Cas is his. Cas can stay. He doesn’t have to leave, The Shadow can’t get him now, and if they survive this mess with Chuck…. hell. Dean is afraid of getting his hopes up, but maybe they can grow old together, have a _life together._

He gazes into Cas’s breathtakingly blue eyes through tears that blur his vision. But even through the blur he can tell that Cas is thinking the exact same thing by the tears running down his cheeks and a smile that lights up the room like never before. Dean slowly leans forward and rests his forehead against Cas’s. “I can’t… I can’t believe this, Cas. You gave it up, all of it. All your angel mojo, your powers… Cas…”

“Dean, I love you. I didn’t even have to think twice, the moment you made the suggestion, my decision was made. Once there was an option, a possibility that I could stay here with you, my mind was made up. Didn’t matter what it was…. I can finally be truly happy, Dean. With you.”

Dean pulls away just barely to look into Cas’s eyes once more. Tears are running down his face now and they are having a full-on chick flick moment but Dean doesn’t give a damn. This is everything he’s ever wanted… a real chance at a hopeful future. “I love you, too, Cas. I’m sorry it took me so long to finally admit it,” Dean whispers before leaning in and gently pressing his lips against Cas’s. It’s slow at first. Unfamiliar and hesitant. Their lips melt together, moving slowly as if any sudden movement will make the moment disappear. Cas can hardly handle the tenderness of Dean’s lips pliant against his own, and lets out a soft moan, which sends chills through Dean’s entire body.

Dean slides his tongue over Cas’s bottom lip, pulling a gasp from the used-to-be angel, then Cas pulls away suddenly. “Being human requires breathing, Dean.” He says teasingly and Dean chuckles then brushes his nose against Cas’s. He feels giddy, happier than he ever thought he could feel.

Cas is grinning back at him, but only for a moment before the smile wiped off his face and replaced with a look of fear.

“Cas? What is it? What’s wrong?” The sudden change in Cas’s expression sent a wave of nausea to Dean’s stomach and panic starts coursing through his entire body.

“I… I don’t know. I just feel… strange.”

“Strange how? Like sick? Hungry? Thirsty, tired… what kind of strange?”

“Nothing I have ever felt before, even when I was human.”

“Okay.., it’s okay. We will figure it out. Can you try to explain it to me?” Dean stands up and takes a step away from the bed to give Cas a once over. “I mean from here you look… the same. I don’t see anything—“ his words stop abruptly and he’s suddenly sheet white, paler than a ghost. His eyes locked on something towards the bottom of the bed.

“Dean?” Cas wavers before following his gaze. “What do you see?” He asks looking everywhere. The footboard still the end of the bed, the blanket under his legs, the smudge on his pant leg, the scuff on his—

Wait. Smudge on his pant leg?

Cas quickly sits up and leans forward to get a better look at this _smudge._

Only it’s not a smudge… it’s black goo. And it’s….

Moving.

Growing.

Spreading.

Dread washes over him as he stares at the now-familiar black ooze slowly working its way across his leg, moving to cover his foot. He forces himself to pull his eyes away to look at Dean.

Dean watches in horror, somehow connecting the dots and realizing what’s going on as well.

“Dean, hey. _DEAN_ , look at me,” Cas’s stern voice snaps Dean out of his trance and forces his gaze to meet Cas’s.

“Cas… no… Cas it was supposed to work. It worked. We had it…. we had a chance, for a moment…”

“Dean, I know. I know. We don’t have much time. Please,” he reaches out his hand towards Dean and Dean takes in right away. His hands trembling in his angels.

“I love you, Dean. Every minute we had together, like this, no matter how few, was worth it. Do you hear me? Every second I had with you was worth it. Okay?” Cas leans forward again and Dean presses a soft kiss against his forehead. The black goo has now covered both of Castiel’s legs from the knees down and is currently working its way over his thighs. “I know you, Dean. I know you’re going to blame yourself for this, but you _CAN’T_. This is not your fault. I made the deal. I knew this was something that could happen. We knew this was a possibility… okay?” Deans nods, but doesn’t pull his head away from Cas. Both of their hands are locked together so tight between them, trembling as tears drop onto their fingers. “Just please don’t blame yourself Dean…you gave me hope. You made me feel joy I never thought I’d be able to feel. You taught me how to be human, how to _love_. Don’t regret a single moment.”

Dean pulls away to look at Castiel, trying to memorize his every feature. His enchantingly blue eyes, his messy black hair, his slightly chapped but oh-so-kissable lips… he allows his eyes to scan over Cas’s briefly. Complete darkness covering Cas from the chest down now…

“Cas, I’m scared. I can’t lose you again…” Dean chokes out over the lump in his throat.

Castiel let’s one of his hands out of Dean’s grip and rests it on Dean’s cheek. “You’re not losing me, Dean. I have always been yours and always will be.”

“I love you, Cas. I love you so much,” Dean says softly between sobs.

Cas gives him a soft, sad smile before leaning in to capture Dean's lips with his one final time. It’s chaste, but they both pour every drop of passion into as they can. Try to communicate all the love they’ve accumulated over the course of their entire friendship through the one kiss, before pulling away. “And I love you, Dean Winchester.” Cas whispers reverently before he’s completely covered in darkness.

“Cas?” Dean says to the darkness on the bed in front of him. It’s shifting now. What was once Cas is now a black pool of goo bubbling on the bed.

“ _Nice try_ ,” he hears The Shadow whisper sadistically before the darkness is swallowed up completely by the void, disappearing into thin air.

Dean stares at the empty space on the bed, frozen by despair. “CAS?” He shrieks, despite knowing he won’t get a response. He sits in silence for a moment, choking out sobs.“No, Cas… no,” he cries.

He vaguely hears footsteps coming from the hall before hearing his brother's voice. “Dean? Is that you?” Sam appears in the doorway of the room in sweatpants and a T-shirt. His confused expression quickly shifting to worry as he runs to sit next to Dean on the ground beside the bed. “Dean?! What happened? What’s going on?”

“Cas…” Dean chokes out, but can’t bring himself to form any other words.

“Cas? What’s wrong with Cas? Where is he?”

“.....he’s gone, Sammy.”


	2. Miserable Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where does Dean go after he takes his final breath?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on writing a second chapter, but here I am. This story was originally meant to be pain. Pure pain and suffering. But I love my boys too much for that so... this fic will be 3 chapters!
> 
> PLEASE let me know what you think!! I LIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS.

So much fight, so much sacrifice. 

When Dean’s life came to an end, part of him was relieved. No more fighting, no more monsters, and no more living without the love of his life. 

Sure he left Sam on his own, and that was hard. But not as hard as he thought it’d be. Sam was brave, strong, and, best of all, he wasn’t alone. Sam could finally live that life they had always dreamt of… a white picket fence, apple-pie life with Eileen. Well, he _could_ live that life, and Dean allowed himself to think that was _exactly_ what his brother was doing.

But, deep down, he knew Sam better than that. He knew that his brother was probably still out there in the world fighting the good fight.

Saving people.

Hunting things.

_The family business._

As long as he was happy, Dean didn’t care what Sam was doing. He just wanted his brother’s happiness and he knew that Sam had found that with Eileen. 

He hoped that they were at least keeping an eye on Jack, making sure that the nephilim-turned-Winchester was still learning and growing… making sure that _he_ was happy, too.

So, when Dean took his last breath, he didn’t feel sad or angry… not even scared. It was his time. He didn’t have to fight anymore. He could finally be at peace. 

No more waking up everyday to an empty bed. No more praying to an angel that was no longer there. No more pacing the halls of the bunker hoping to cross paths with Cas, but knowing it wouldn’t happen. 

His waking moments weren’t even the worst part.

When he slept, memories of his final moments with Cas came to him in his dreams. The feel of the angel’s warm hand caressing his cheek, Cas’s voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear, the taste of his angels lips on his own… It would start off so fucking _perfect._ Like every wet dream he’s had over the past decade only this had been _real._ Dean finally had it, if only for just a moment.

The dreams would quickly turn into nightmares when the angel in his arms would be swallowed up by bubbling black goo, then sucked away into The Empty, leaving the bed vacant in front of him.

The love of his life gone forever.

Dean would wake up in a pool of sweat and tear soaked cheeks. Then sob the rest of the night away.

Sometimes Sam or Jack would get woken up by Dean’s sobs and go to his room to check on him, but Dean would just shoo them away. “Just a nightmare,” he’d say. “Go back to bed.” 

They stopped checking on him after the first few months. 

So, yeah. Let’s just say that when Dean’s time finally came to an end, he was ready. No more sleepless nights and reminders of the life he didn’t get the chance to have with Cas.

When he opened his eyes again after taking his last breath, he wasn’t sure what to expect. The pits of Hell once again with demons surrounding him, ready to torture him for eternity, perhaps? After all the shit his soul had been through (human turned vampire turned human again then demon then back to human…man, that’s complicated) maybe he’d find himself in Purgatory? 

But, when he did finally open his eyes, he most definitely wasn’t expecting heavenly light to shine against his irises. He squinted as the pure white started to fade and a familiar sight came into focus. 

Two sets of wooden tables and chairs in front of him. Six white pillars, standing proudly next to shelves holding one-of-a-kind books. An impressively large black telescope in the center of a red brick wall. 

Dean takes a hesitant step deeper into the room and takes a deep breath, appreciating the familiar scent of the ancient texts surrounding him. He takes a few more steps, stopping at the table in front of him. A faint smile falls on his lips as his fingers brush over the initials carved into the wood. 

Dean sucks in a deep breath and pulls his gaze away from the table, turning around to walk through the archway towards the map table. A memory flashes through his mind… They just got Jack back after thinking he was gone forever, snapped away by Chuck. But there they were, sipping beers and enjoying every moment of all being together again. Laughing about all the shit the brothers went through during their life as normal people. 

He chuckles to himself at the memory before it fades away and the room is empty again. He strolls down the hallway towards the kitchen. As he approaches the doorway, he can’t help but remember how close he and Cas had been, how their fingers brushed together when Dean handed him the glass of whiskey. 

Dean shakes his head from that thought as he walks into the kitchen. The empty stools are quickly filled by him, Sam, and Cas. The three of them had been mourning the loss of Jack over a drink and some candy bars. It’s a bittersweet flashback, but Dean can’t help but smile at Sam and Cas fighting over the last candy bar before cheersing “to Jack” and clinking their glasses together. 

Dean takes a few steps forward as the memory fades away. He grabs a glass and the unopened bottle of his favorite whiskey, thankful that Heaven got that part right. He pours himself a full glass then makes his way out of the kitchen and towards his bedroom. Dean isn’t sure if he wants to see the flashback he knows Heaven will show him in there. 

What good is being in Heaven if he doesn’t even get to be with the one he loves most?

He stops at the closed door in front of him, hesitating before lifting his hand and twisting the doorknob. Immediately Dean sees exactly what he knew he’d see. 

There he is, kneeling in front of his angel, listening to words he never thought he’d hear. 

_I can finally be truly happy, Dean. With you._

He watches himself finally say the words _I love you_ out loud to Cas before their lips finally meet. He remembers how his heart was racing in his chest and how Cas’s lips cleared Dean’s mind of everything and anything that wasn’t _Cas._

The memory fades before it can get to what happened after their lips parted. Before he had to watch his angel get taken away by The Shadow and sucked into The Empty. 

Dean shakes his head, trying to keep those thoughts in the deep corners of his mind where all the dark memories go. Trying to bury it as far away as possible and hoping it never surfaces again. 

But the memory still flashes through his mind and tears escape the hunter’s sullen eyes. 

This is fucking _Heaven._ This is supposed to be all his happiest moments, this is meant to be the place where all the bad is kept locked out and hidden away. But now the only thing running through his mind is how Cas isn’t there and never will be.

_He’s supposed to be there._

Is this how he’s meant to spend the rest of eternity? Locked in a Heaven that he can never find comfort in? Why didn’t just get sent to hell? At least there it wouldn’t be some sugar coated fantasy land. 

His glass slips from his hand, shattering on the floor as the whiskey forms a puddle around his feet. Dean falls to his knees and lets the tears fall down his cheeks, not caring about the choked sobs that escape from him. An overwhelming sense of dread overtook him and his heart pounded in his chest and his throat tightened, making it nearly impossible to breath. His body trembled as his thoughts raced. 

The worst part was that he couldn’t even escape this. He was already dead. He couldn’t run away. This was his Heaven… his miserable, lonely Heaven.

Suddenly there was a firm grasp on his shoulder, pulling Dean’s mind into focus. Dean quickly got to his feet and jolted his body around, reaching for the gun that he didn’t have before getting into his defensive position.

But his entire body froze at the sight before him.

“Hello, Dean.”


	3. Eternity

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean stood in a stunned silence as he stared at the man in front of him. His skin tingling. His heart pounding against his chest.  _ Is this real? Can this really be happening? Could I really be getting this lucky? _ Questions and doubt flooded his mind as the figure in front of him started to blur through the tears in his eyes.

“It’s me. It’s  _ really _ me,” a gravelly voice whispered to him. A hesitant hand reached out towards Dean as the man took a slow step towards him.

“Cas?” Dean choked out through the lump in his throat. 

“Yes,” Castiel reaches out to set his hand on the hunter’s shoulder only for Dean to pull away and take a step backwards. “Dean, please. I’m not a memory, I’m really here,” Cas pleaded but stayed put, not daring to spook the hunter any more.

Dean let out a shaky breath and tried to focus. He eyed the man in front of him, wearing the familiar trench coat, white button up, and navy blue tie. He moved forward, ignoring the seeds of disbelief invading his thoughts. Could he actually have this? After an entire life of losing people, making countless sacrifices and things going wrong time and time again, was this finally his reward?

Cas stood still in front of the hunter as he moved towards him at a snail's pace. He had to be patient and let Dean do this on his own. He waited as the hunter began to close the gap between them, his steps unsure, hesitant.

Eventually Dean found himself directly in front of Cas and reached out, grasping the sleeve of the trench coat. He rubbed the crisp fabric between his fingers as if making sure it was really there. His hand meandered down the slightly wrinkled sleeve until it reached a soft hand. His fingers traced over the knuckles, the tender touch sending shivers up Cas’s arm. Dean’s eyes flickered up and locked with sapphire ones that gazed back at him. “Cas?” 

“Yes, Dean,” Cas reassured with a gentle smile before raising his hand to cup the hunter’s cheek and brush away a tear. The caress made Dean suck in a quick breath, but he didn’t pull away. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. 

Though he desperately wanted to grab the hunter in front of him and pull him into a timeless embrace, Cas stopped himself and waited. He left his hand on Dean’s jawline as he stroked the hunter’s cheek with his thumb. Dean let out a slow breath, his tense body starting to loosen. Cas used his chance and raised his other hand to rest on Dean’s shoulder, attempting to steady the hunter’s trembling body. 

Dean opened his eyes at the touch, taking in Cas’s features. His eyebrows furrowed creating little creases on his forehead. A hint of stubble traced his jawline up to his cheeks. His lips were slightly chapped, as usual, but the corners of his lips curled up as their eyes met. 

Those eyes. 

Those breathtakingly blue eyes Dean  _ always _ had trouble pulling his gaze away from. 

This was Castiel, it was really him. 

“Cas, I… I never thought I’d... “ Dean started as he shifted forward and engulfed Cas in an affectionate hug. His body shook against the ex-angel and he let out a few choked sobs, unable to say more.

“I know, Dean. I know… Shh,” Cas’s hand rubbed tender circles on Dean’s back, comforting him through his emotions. 

“How?” Dean asked when he finally started to relax and catch his breath.

“It worked, Dean. Your plan worked,” he whispered into Dean’s ear. “The Shadow took me to The Empty. I had to hold up my end of the deal, so they took me. But when I got there… I did not belong. Without my grace I was no longer an angel, The Empty no longer laid claim on my soul…” Dean pulled away from Cas in order to look into his eyes once more.

“So… Heaven?” Dean asked, his voice filled with hope.

“Yes. Heaven,” Cas answered with a smile. “I belong here, with  _ you _ .”

Dean shook his head with a relieved chuckle, then pressed his forehead against Cas’s. “I can’t believe this is friggin’ real,” he admitted into the small space between them.

“It’s real, love. We’re real.” Cas’s fingers traced the hunter’s jawline until they were under his chin, then gently lifted Dean’s face and pressed their lips together. The kiss is soft, chaste… careful. And  _ way _ too brief for Dean’s liking. 

As soon as their lips part, Dean grasped the lapels of Cas’s trench coat and pulled him in again for another kiss. Cas gasped against Dean’s mouth, but quickly went pliant and returned his kiss. The eagerness of Dean’s mouth sending jolts of electricity through Cas’s lips and shockwaves through his body. Cas’s tongue darts out and traces Dean’s bottom lip, the hunter moaning at the sensation. Cas moves to rid the other man of his flannel, but Dean brings his hands up and rests them on Cas’s arms, stopping him. “Cas, wait…”

Cas stops his movements abruptly, looking at his love with fear in his eyes. “But, I thought…”

Dean leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against the soft skin of Cas’s neck and brushing his lips against his collarbone. “Oh, believe me, Cas, there’s nothing I want more than this,” he says as he places light kisses up Cas’s neck. “I don’t mean to sound like some dude straight outta a chick flick, but I wanna do this right, go a little slow. It’s our uhh…. Our first time together… I just wanna make sure it’s, uhh special. Or whatever.” Dean is thankful his face in hidden is Cas’s neck because  _ fuck _ he’s blushing like a damn fool.

Cas chuckles and kisses dirty blonde locks. His arms wrap around the hunter and pull him down to the bed, allowing Dean’s head to rest on his chest. They lay there cuddling against each other in a peaceful silence for a few moments before Cas let’s out a soft sigh. “I love you, Dean,  _ my _ Righteous Man. I know life together in Heaven is not ideal, but… it is more than either of us ever thought we would get… and I cannot wait to spend eternity with you.”

Tears are glistening in Dean’s eyes at the reverent words whispering to him. “Me too, Cas.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bittersweet ending. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to end it. I was considering making this even longer, but I don't want to promise that then never finish the fic (which I've done several times before)... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave kudos and comments!! I absolutely love hearing what you all think!

**Author's Note:**

> I have only written 2 other fanfics before for a completely different fandom and that was a long time ago. I understand there are probably errors and this needs some editing. I'm working on it! (;
> 
> I desperately need Supernatural-fan friends, so feel free to hit me up on twitter (@burningbookshop) or on Instagram (@hiddles_obsessed OR @the_burning_bookshop)


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